Dreaming Paris

you'd think I'd have written more about French things, wouldn't you? I love France and the French language, and I can't live without some artistic creativity in my life, yet my blog never really seems to reflect these two very important things about me other than in a rather shallow way. In fact, if you followed my life, you'd probably be hard pressed to discover that these two things have meaning for me other than in the bric a brac I surround myself with. I have French calendars and pictures and a studio full of art supplies, but just try to find a minute when I'm actually spending time learning more about France or its language. When was the last time I drew or painted? Oh, but wait! Just a couple of days ago I got onto a Google Earth/Flickr smashup and explored the city of Paris. It took me forever to find the Eiffel Tower. I was so close, but didn't realize it was on the OTHER side of the river, and when I did manage to land on top of it, I still didn't know it! I was saying, I know this is where it has to be, but where IS IT, DADGUMMIT! And then suddenly I could see it. It doesn't say on that particular map that that's what it is. If you go directly to Google Earth it's a no brainer. The problem is, all things French and all things art are not what pull in the money in this household. They are the things that I dwell on when I have oodles of free time and I'm IN THE MOOD. That's a very big determinant there, that IN THE MOOD thing. You would think that the two things that I love so very much would be things that I'm always in the mood for. What's up with that, anyway? My coffee and end tables have shelves underneath. Most of the space on those shelves is taken up with art and travel magazines. Do I ever read them? But I MIGHT. Some day. When I have time. And I'm IN THE MOOD. Otherwise my time is taken up with figuring out how to make my blogging and content management systems work. Or finishing another degree. Or rearranging my house. That last has been a long time in happening because I've just been too tired the last couple of years. I can feel a major house improvement coming on, though, as soon as my current job is over. I will go through my magazines eventually. I always do. I can't seem to do things in small increments. It's all or nothing with me. So if my current interest is my business, then most of the things you'll find me doing have to do with that. When I have free time, I'm not going to paint because once I start, I'm going to want to spend all of my time doing that, but I can't because I have business related things to do. Do you see? Do not distract me from whatever mood I'm in or absolutely nothing will get done at all. I'll feel lost. When I was learning French, almost all my waking moments were taken up by it. I was taking a class, reading books, surfing the web for new resources, practicing it with my tutors. THAT was my focus. And then it ended. When I was determined to take more time for art, I went to drawing classes, took lessons in the Golden whatsit that master painters used to design their paintings. I spent whatever time I could on it. It didn't last as long as the French thing because it's so much easier to bring books around with you and practice than it is art supplies. Art takes a lot of time and space and it just hasn't fit into my life the way I would have liked it to. So I settle for graphic design things. Playing with photos and logos and creating advertising brochures and flyers for my job at work. Because I must be able to create things. I'd go nuts if I didn't. What do I do for fun? I watch TVs and movies. I read romance novels. I go out to eat. Everything else is work. Even when I do it because I enjoy it. Learning about France and its language, painting, it's all work. And work takes focus. I can't focus if I'm not IN THE MOOD.