Dreaming Paris

So I got tagged by Paula in a discussion over on Facebook about whether or not online friends are "real" friends. Or whether or not you treat people online like you do the ones in "real" life. I loved it when the term "meatspace" came into being to differentiate between the two groups. You had your online friends and meatspace friends. Who came up with that anyway? Both Nancy and Paula come to mind when I hear that term, as though it was one of them who coined it, but I really don't know. Maybe they were the first ones I saw use it. They're both clever enough to have been the originators. Way, way in the beginning of my online life, when I first dipped my toes in the waters of chat rooms and newsgroups, I was myself, but more so. Meaning, I was very direct and blunt. Until I saw the reactions. When I finally found the newsgroup misc.writing (which is a sad, sad place these days-I just checked 2 days ago), I was a bit more diplomatic. I could mull over my words and delete them before hitting send, something you can't do when looking someone in the eye. So I'm now actually the reverse of what peeps say you become when you get online. When you're with me, though I don't mean to because I like being nice to people, I'm more likely to blurt out something very tactless, or thoughtless, than when you talk to me in text. But in both places I tend to not have much to say for long periods of time, and then suddenly I become motor mouth/fingers. As for which of my friends are the real ones, the online or the meatspace, well, there is no differentiation. They're all real if I call them friend. Some of the people I've actually met are dear to my heart, while others are just close acquaintances. Same with the people I know online. And actually, some of the people online may not be dear friends in that there is no close, ongoing relationship happening, but many of them are still dear to my heart, probably because I've interacted with them for more years than I've actually interacted with the people I've met. They're more a part of my life than the ones I get together with from time to time...or year to year...or decade to decade. Because I live a large percentage of my life online, through words, reading them and writing them. It suits me. I think that right there is why there is even an argument about what's real and what isn't. I know that there are many people for whom this online life just wouldn't suit, and they're not going to understand how one can feel just as close, and care just as much, for people they've never even met than for ones that they have. I'm a shy person until I begin to feel comfortable in my surroundings or in my role. I'm not outgoing. I'm an introvert. But that doesn't mean I don't like being social, or that I don't want to be with people. But people can tire me out quite easily. So this online world works for me. When I need companionship, I can find it. When I need to feel a part of other people, you're all right there for me at the touch of my on button. And when I'm tired and want to be alone, I can be. I don't have to make my excuses and say goodbye. So, if you all aren't real, those of you I haven't met yet, don't tell me. I don't wanna know.

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when you've got the chance to say I loved Olivia Newton John when I was 17. I knew most of her songs from that time by heart. Maybe I still do. I can still sing along with this one. Is it true? Should you say I love you when the timing's all wrong? It seems to me that it can never be a bad thing to let someone know they are loved, even if it can't be returned, because isn't that what love is about? Lifting up the other? I can imagine it might not be so great if the other person scorned it, though, which is different from not returning it. (FB readers, click the link below to my original blog post to see the video)

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Technically it isn't. It's been raining all day, and not a warm rain, either, which is unusual for this part of the world at this time of the year. And the burning, pulled muscle sensation that I sometimes get between my shoulder blades just to the left of my spine is doing it's darndest to make me cry when I move wrong. Be that as it may, my frame of mind is one of contentment and hope for the future. I could list all the reasons why someone else in my shoes might see things differently. I have a variety of challenges facing me, three of which are money, concern for my daughter, and concern for my second son who leaves for Afghanistan sometime this summer. And yet, none of those things are weighing on my mind. I have a very strong sense that all will be well, even if things should conspire to look like they aren't. I don't know why that is, it just is, and since my experience has been that when I am at peace like that, I can rest in it because it's real, that's exactly what I'm doing. Resting. Taking one thing at a time and not worrying about tomorrow. Living in the moment. It's not easy for me to do that usually. My natural state up until now has been to look forward, always seeking the next thing to do. That isn't the case right now. I know what my next thing to do will be, but it doesn't consume me, it doesn't stop me from just stopping and enjoying this moment right now. I love the rain. The amazing thing is that I haven't gotten a headache from it the way I often do. For the last 3 years or so the change in pressure causes me to get headachy. Not today. So I've kept the back porch door open and enjoyed looking out and listening to the rain. The cats like that, too. At least, the kittens do. The big cat is afraid of thunderstorms and rain and has been hiding in my room mostly. But the other cats like to go in and out, enjoying the coolness on the porch, coming in when it gets too windy and wet. The rain let up just enough for me to run out to my studio and grab my class materials before going on to school. The whole day has been like that, everything looking badly, yet flowing smoothly. It's one of those object lesson kind of days I guess that illustrates the point that you can choose to look at your circumstances and believe that life sucks, or you can find something within you that makes it not suck so much. Of course, that all depends upon what you have within you to draw upon when the circumstances are rotten, and that changes on any given day. Perhaps tomorrow my brain chemistry will turn on me, and the sky could be blue, yet inside my head it'll be all thunder, lightning, and rain. I was "discussing" how I believe that there is some kind of energy or force to our thoughts that can attract circumstances to us, good and bad. I put discussing in quotes because basically it was me saying, this is what I believe, and the other person saying, you're full of shit. :-) That may be. I can only go by what seems to happen in my life. It's not as though I've made a religion out of the belief, and all in all, by trying to be aware of what I'm thinking, I have some control over how I choose to respond to life's circumstances. And sometimes I choose to respond poorly because I just feel like having a tantrum over its injustices. I'm an upbeat person at heart, though, and I guess I really can't take any credit for that. It's the way I was made. I have a melancholy streak, yes, which can influence me, but it doesn't control me. So I can say that looking on the bright side of things is a healthier, happier way to live and good things just come your way if you can believe that the flow of life responds to what you make of it, but if you're not me, you may not find that an easy thing to do. You may be made differently. It could simply be that my outlook is what makes life look better to me than someone else experiencing the exact same things yet thinking this life sucks. Am I making any sense at all? Nobody mentioned blogging about dreaming things into existence. While life can be spontaneous and surprising, I do think that if there is something that you really want, it takes thinking it, imagining it, first before it can become real. I see myself in Paris again. I visit Paris through Google maps, orienting myself and becoming familiar with where the major landmarks are in relation to the rest of the city. Soon I will begin to do deeper research on places, prices, transportation, where to stay, etc. It will happen, even though today it looks like an impossibility. That money challenge, you know? But like I said, I'm not worried. Everyone around me is talking about a financial crisis. I've been living in a financial crisis ever since I first started working. This isn't new to me. And yet, I'm surrounded by the things I've wanted, and loving people I always believed would be in my life. It took me a long time to come to terms with how to spend my time while living this life, and to accept some things about myself that I spent years fighting, but now that that's all square, I'm cool with how things are. I feel like I'm in the flow, mostly. It feels good.

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you might like it again if you use twitterfox. That is, if you use Firefox as your browser. You can just click on the twitter icon and everything comes up. You can add twitters as you go. You don't even need to go to the twitter site. From the look of things, I'd bet Towse uses it.

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So, four days in a row now I've met my daily target (I started at 3 days in a row, then mucked up 3. I hope this doesn't mean I'm destined to muck up the next four), and I'm on track with my exercise, but I've just had a very good dinner and I'M STILL HUNGRY! So what does Miz UV do? I'll tell you what she does. She makes me go look in my fridge so's I can tell you about five things that I have in it. Now is that the action of a friend?!? Hmmph. If I don't make myself go to bed early tonight, I just know I'm going to blow it. Just looking at the hot fudge topping made me want a banana split. This is my chocolate/coffee stash. Three types of coffee - chocolate velvet, amaretto (or maybe it's mocha), and tiramisu. You'd think we like mustard or something. The regular, dijon, and brown mustards I usually use. My daughter likes the honey mustard. My husband only uses regular mustard, and only on hot dogs and in potato salad. He's a ketchup man. You know. One of those people who will even put it on eggs. But then, I'll eat mustard sandwiches. Bread and mustard. Yummm! Even better, mustard on a freshly steamed hot dog bun. Dadgummit, UV! See what you've done to me? I need an extra helping of willpower from somewhere because I don't think I've got enough. Now this is me trying to be good. I love cucumbers. What I'm terrible at is preparing food, and cucumbers must be peeled and cut up or sliced. Plus, I have to scrape the middle out because the seeds upset my stomach. Oh! Hey! They're low in calories. I'll try substituting cucumbers and salt for this chocolate craving. Heh. Yeah. That'll fix it. :-P Anyway, I'm going to try to remember that these are in there, and eat them before they go bad. Cucumbers meet an ugly end in my fridge, and I do mean ugly. This was a present from a year ago I think. Or maybe half a year. My mom gets this for me. Glühwein. Spiced wine that you serve hot. I love this stuff. I finally opened it this month. It's been sitting on one of my shelves. I have to be in the right frame of mind to drink it. No distractions or loud TV. Just some quiet alone time and a book or my blog peeps. And where would a Floridian's fridge be without this awesome pain reliever? Yeah, we keep the aloe gel in the refrigerator so that it really feels like ice when you rub it on a sunburn. So there you have it. Five things from my refrigerator. I'm not tagging, though.

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